Suburban Savage

The Dog Ate My SIM Card

February 22, 2010 at 12:12 pm (family, parenting, technology)

When it comes to technology, I’m an idiot savant (minus the savant). My lack of knowledge is borne from a very special mix of “this is complicated” and “I don’t give a shit”. Gen X slackers unite!

My apathetic attitude toward all things computer became apparent in 5th grade. I was placed in a learning program which mimicked something similar to a college environment. Students were able to choose a “major” and a “minor” while also attending required courses. My major was “The Brain” and my minor was “Computers”. Somewhat clever but not at all intentional, I promise.

Brain class was endlessly fascinating to me. We created models. We discussed electricity. We explored ESP. We took a field trip to a local hospital to meet a Neurologist. He had a brain in a jar of Formaldehyde. We held it. It stunk but it was the coolest thing I had ever done.

In computer class, we learned binary code. We designed programs. It was 1982. It sucked. That was the end of my life as a geek.

As an adult, cell phone ownership didn’t enter my life until 2001. It was required for my job. Setting up a personal e-mail account (in 2002) was solely motivated by the entertainment value that my coworkers and I found in reading profiles on dating websites. Yes, we were on the clock and no, I never received any offers.

Fast forward to present-day. I own a Blackberry on which I text, e-mail, update Facebook, Google restaurants, and check my blog stats. Sometimes, I actually have a verbal conversation but not often.

I own an iBook (second-hand) and two desktops, one Mac and one Dell. I rarely use either of the desktops but the kids do.  My two oldest, who are 15 and 12, have cell phones and iPods.  Last fall, the 15-year-old dropped his cell in a glass of water. He took the battery and SIM card out to let the device dry. Guess what the dog did.

Each of the 9-year-old’s have their own handheld gaming system.  There is one Wii system that belongs to everyone and the 15 year old has an XBox 360, which he bought with his summer job income.

This inventory of perfect technology is overwhelming to me for several reasons. How does it all “work”? How do I fix it when it stops working? What gives my laptop the right to question me with “Are you sure you want to do that”? Why can’t someone create a universal USB, for crying out loud? I can’t keep all these cords straight.

What bothers me most is the idea of constant distraction. We are seven people in one home and we could all be simultaneously “plugged in” while totally disconnecting from each other. Sometimes, it happens. Confession – I have sent a text (while in the kitchen) to my son (in his bedroom) announcing dinner. Gross.

Drumroll for the caveat, please………we do have dinner together, in the same room, at the same table, eating the same meal. We don’t talk on the phone. We don’t watch TV. We don’t eat with our faces in our plates to avoid eye contact.

Once every week, on Monday night, we go Old School: no computer, no cell phone, no iPod, no electronic games. I know. Old School is a subjective concept. I’m trying to relate to people who think CD players are useless. Give me a break.

The 15 and 12 year old’s prepare dinner for everyone, while I supervise, wine in hand. Each of us takes a turn in choosing the music for the evening. Have you ever enjoyed an evening meal while listening to German death metal? Watching a teenage boy at the table who is engaging in conversation with his family is worth every mind-numbing, ear-bleeding minute of it.

Dinner completed and music library expanded, we move on to games. Charades is the easiest for everyone but the 4 year old has a tendancy to monopolize the stage. Pictionary is okay, when we throw the rules out the window. Monopoly just doesn’t work because no one really cares about the game after the arguement over who gets to be the shoe.

The people that I love most in the world are gathered in one place for one night every week. We still have moments of pouting, fighting, discipline, aggrevation. We leave the table with problems unresolved. Almost always, at least one person at the table hates one of the foods we have. We are an imperfect bunch.

What works, though, is the connection. No USB required.